Люди, не забывайте главное - НАХУЙ МУЗЫКУ !!

My pants are already down around my ankles, and my mighty meat is ready to be tenderized and manhandled.

Firstly catch up a compliment: Intestinal Disgorge is actually one of the most totally «fucked in the head» bands the world UG-scene ever saw. I hope you're not vomiting from such praise. How often do you hear anything like this?

We hear that quite often, actually, which is great because this is what we've always tried to do. We started out with the idea of making the sickest, most psychotic, most fucked up bullshit that anyone had ever heard. We wanted to make music that was so intense that it felt like the listener was being physically assaulted and violated.

What are these "drugs" you speak of? I've never heard of them.

How much booze, weed and other shit did you use during the recording of your last album?

Enough to keep a small country intoxicated for a minimum of three weeks.

What do you think about group sex? Are there more advantages or disadvantages? How often do you practice such deeds?

Group sex has its own unique charm, it's kind of like interior decoration, you know, having lots of writhing bodies fucking and sucking all around you. Sometimes you want a little more ambience for your sexual adventures, instead of the eerie silence that follows after you prematurely ejaculate and before you start crying.

We usually get ignored.

Tell us about the coolest and the most terrible moments of Intestinal Disgorge being.

There are no cool moments for Intestinal Disgorge. All the moments are pretty much terrible, whether playing a show for 3 people or selling one CD a year. Luckily, we don't do this for anyone but ourselves, so who gives a fucking fuck?

Which of your tracks has got the largest use as a ringtone?

"Rectum Grinder" seems to be a popular choice among people who want to effectively ruin their social life in a matter of mere seconds.

Have you ever used hookers' service? Did it affect your creativeness?

The only hookers I visit are transgendered granny trannies. And yes, it affected my creativeness. My penis started to create strange fluids of various colors and it began to burn like hell every time I tried to urinate.

The masturbation never ends, whether or not chicks are involved.

Ryan, how did you lost virginity? Was it connected with violence, homosexuality or gerontophilia?

I actually slipped on a banana peel, and my penis ended up inside some random woman's vagina. It was quite serendipitous.

Dude, reveal us your weakness for the porn? Have you got a lot amount of XXX video? How often do you buy new stuff? Who does usually view porn along with you?

Porn is the most powerful idea on Earth, because through pornography, a simple videotape can replace a living, breathing woman. Who needs artificial intelligence when you can use one woman to replace the need for all the rest?

Do you wish to shoot in porno if script would be based on Intestinal Disgorge lyrics?

Yes. I want to be in a porn film where a perverted school teacher never allows the students to use the toilet, so they are forced to soil themselves in front of everybody. And the teacher is highly aroused by the suffering, and finally orgasms when the student can no longer contain their excrement and ends up beshitting themselves.

I'm really turned on by her adult diapers.

What is the probability that Intestinal Disgorge will record the following stuff: a volume of lyrical ballads, country album, your old hits unplugged, rock opera about incest?

We've actually had a few offers to record some unplugged versions of songs, but we don't own acoustic guitars because we aren't homosexuals.

Nowadays some extreme bands have an aggressive chicks playing instruments and even doing vocals. Real mess, isn't it? Do you wish to kick their asses, make them stand on their knees and piss on their tits?

I support bitches that play extreme music, because if they are stupid enough to think that they can play extreme shit, they are also stupid enough to go on a date with me.

It is rumored that you are somewhat into northcore. Ever heard of this style? Do you hold Norsk Goat on a high esteem? Was it a very good news for you that Varg Vikernes finally was set free?

I have no idea what northcore is, and I couldn't care less.

Yes I would support them. Because nothing attracts women like gay men.

Some fuckheads like Cannibal Corpse or Morbid Angel sell thousands of cds, merch and other shit while such fucking crazy bands like Intestinal Disgorge are doomed to permanently live on undergorund stage. What is your music short of to hit the fucking Billboard top charts at last?!

I think we need more songs about scat and piss drinking. If we could just focus a little more on excrement and a little less on peace and harmony, we might end up making tons of money.

Ryan, how often do you attend a local church? For the sake of what religion you always have your soul, fly and wallet opened wide?
I go to Church's Chicken a lot. I prefer a two piece with a side order and a large fountain drink.

Reveal us some info about intimate relations between Intestinal Disgorge and issuing labels. Who fucks whom in this case?

Major labels don't like us because we aren't attractive and we don't have hipster beards. So we usually work with small, independent labels, and we do all the cock sucking.

Where do you get your inspiration: your own nightmares, chatter tapped in local fast-food chain or The Oprah Winfrey Show stories?

We get our inspiration from people's crotches.

Again, it's the lack of hipster beards.

Ryan, give me your definition about the «universal (almighty) evil» idea. May we consider Intestinal Disgorge music itself the same?

I don't believe in good and evil. I believe in intelligent and stupid. And yes, Intestinal Disgorge is incredibly stupid.

Which of your album covers is worthy to hang in the main exposition hall of The New York Museum of Modern Art?

Obviously that would be "Drowned in Rectal Sludge". Because the only thing that humanity has ever created is a billion metric tonnes of shit.

Dude, what music have you got into the way of listening, waking up in the morning and going to a party in the evening?

I really don't listen to a lot of music these days, because I hate music.

Is Seth Putnam of Anal Cunt worthy to be canonized? Or all his lousy glory isn't worth even a tenth part of G.G. Allin's true greatness?

I don't know. I don't really think about it.

Zero tact and a complete absence of talent.

Your message to the Russian fans of Intestinal Disgorge.

Thanks for listening to our stupid music, and I hope that one day a major label will be stupid enough to sign us and send us on a tour so we can come party with you motherfuckers.

Thanks for answering my questions, Ryan. Hope you aren't too tired. Anyway - a mass respect to Intestinal Disgorge for that mu-sick shit you're making. Believe me, we are worthy of much worse.
Thanks for the interview, I appreciate the opportunity to come up with sarcastic and ironic responses to the questions. Stay sick and, most importantly - FUCK MUSIC!!